Grudges
by La Pisces
Summary: Five years have past since the last time Akane saw Ranma... and holding a grudge against him has taken a toll on her soul. Maybe it's time she let go....


**Grudges**

**Chapter One: Recollections**

It hurt… more than she ever imagined it would. Even now, after five years it pained her to remember. Her heart constricted at the mere thought of _him._

It's funny though, after growing up saying she would never let herself fall for a man so deeply, after swearing she wouldn't get hurt, she fell for him worse than anyone else she knew had. She had loved him to the point of no return.

Even as she thought this, another part of her conscious told her that was only what she _wanted_ to believe. She had always been such a hopeless romantic. Looking back she realized it could not have been love. She was too young, too inexperienced to know what true love was. She just clung to idea, needing something to blame besides her own feelings, wanted an excuse for her actions. That was something else; at the end of the day she always made herself see the truth, see that she had as much blame as he did about everything that had happened.

After what happened with Saffron, Ranma and she had gotten a lot closer. Sure, they still had fought a lot, but all that just added to their closeness. They saw their fighting and bickering as a thing more intimate than any other show of affection. Something only they had, no one else could rile him up as much as she did. And no one else instilled those torturously strong feelings in her chest. Akane had never experienced such jealousy, such nervousness with any other boy, any other man. Tofu had made her feel special and giddy, but never made her feel like a woman. Ranma did all of that, and so much more.

While walking home she allowed herself to think of him. She never did if she could help it; it always brought back too many shameful memories. They had finally decided to give themselves a chance as a couple. A blush and a bittersweet smile graced her features as she remembered the first time they kissed. It was a sweet and tempting butterfly kiss, but it had ignited feelings so strong she was overwhelmed. They both were, and that was the problem.

All of their bent-up emotions overflowed throughout them, along with the unmistakable presence of hormones. A year after they were officially dating, they had been caught up in the moment, and well… one thing led to another.

She thanked the kamis over and over that no consequences had come out of their "love". She had given herself to him completely, not thinking; only feeling and he had accepted her.

Part of her wanted to forget what happened next, the shame too great to bear. But her stronger side never allowed her to. She never regretted it, she knew she had loved him, but chastised herself for rushing things. The times they spent together had been the happiest of her life. Deep down, she knew he had felt the same, at one point.

Neither of them was ready for such a deep commitment. They felt feelings for each other that rivaled any others, but they were too immature, too inexperienced in love. Perhaps if they had waited, had taken things slower, they could have had a better chance. Too late to think about that…. He was the first one to realize the mistake they had made. He broke things off, telling her he truly wasn't ready. That he was too young, and that at that point in his life he wanted to have fun, to enjoy life. With her, things were too serious, too deep, and he simply wasn't ready for it. Of course, it was expected of her to react the way she had. She was despondent, ready to kill him for abandoning her, but she had to be strong. After fighting with him over it, she had willingly let him go.

After seeing him one day with Ukyo though, she knew she had to make the hardest decision of her life. Even though, he asked her to give him time, that deep down he knew that if he was to settle with anyone, he wanted it to be with her: Akane. She had only smiled, the gesture a sadder than any tear, and given him their last kiss and their last night together. She felt the worst, knowing it was behind Ukyo's back, but she loved him and wanted to say a proper goodbye to him. Her response had been a simple "I won't promise you anything."

Those were the last words she had ever said to him. The Saotomes had lived in her home for a year after that, but not one word from her was directed to Ranma. He tried many times to make her talk to him, claimed that he needed her at least as a friend, but all she did was walk past him; with that same sad smile. After a while he got the hint, he wouldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. The reactions were worse though.

He threw himself into the art, pushed himself to the limits. She was shocked to learn five months later that Ranma and Ukyo had broken up, even called off the engagement. _She _had left him, and for Konatsu! Part of her more grudgeful soul laughed at him. Laughed at the irony, he left her, and Ukyo left him. It was short-lived, however. She never was the grudging type.

Akane never knew what went through Ranma's mind, never knew if her cold demeanor and her decision had affected him in any way. He simply took to ignoring her the same way. But she did notice the hostility in his eyes after the Kounji incident. He didn't know when it began, but knew it was there before, the latest happening only intensified it. Afterwards, he was never the same.

He took to becoming the man-whore she had always accused him of being. He took Shampoo to bed on many occasions, (the only reason Akane knew was because the Amazon had bragged about it every time.) A single month after that relationship began it was over. Something was definitely wrong….

Akane herself had thrown all caution to the wind. She had had a few boyfriends of her own, and in her despair had slept with three more after Ranma. They were insignificant men that she couldn't remember; her new addictions hindered her inhibitions: sex and alcohol. Although she only slept one time with each man, she felt dirty, and instead opted on pleasuring herself. No other man even came close to igniting her body the way Ranma had.

A year after the straining living conditions, the Saotomes' home was finally rebuilt, and they moved out. It was a strange feeling: the house was too quiet without Ranma and Genma fighting all the time. She felt completely empty, not even her pain towards Ranma was there anymore. She was simply numb.

They still went to the same school, although in their final year Ranma dropped out. He always did say Martial Arts were his true and only life. Akane delved into her studies, and managed to get into Tokyo University. As soon as was possible, she left her home, and rarely came back.

And here she was, five years later, walking back to the Tendo dojo. She had spent three years without stepping foot there, knowing she was too bitter and too hurt to live there again. So now she was going to surprise her sisters. She would be staying there for about a month, while the preparations for her new home in Kyoto were complete. She would be teaching some of her art there, while also working for a new company as a Public Relations officer.

That was the reason she walked with more than a little trepidation. She was ready to completely live on her own, but for that she needed to take care of the demons in her past. She was planning on paying Nabiki to tell her of any way she could communicate with Ranma. She wanted to put him behind her once and for all, and for that she needed to confront him. She was ready to forgive and forget everything he had done, and to seek forgiveness for herself. The only thing she prayed for was that she had truly gotten over every damn feeling he gave her for simply being near her.

Her footsteps came to a halt as she finally stood in front of the gate leading to her once beloved dojo.

"Well here goes nothing…" she sighed as she raised her hand to knock.

Only to stop half way… the gate slowly opened up before her, and out stepped her eldest sister Kasumi, along with none other than… Ranma's mother.

_**Hello! Well, how about I introduce myself?**_

_**I'm a relatively new author, although I've been trying to write for years! I have many ideas in my head, but never seem to get them down; at least not in the way I would like. I've always been a big Ranma/Akane fan, so I wanted one of my first stories to be about them, although I've noticed I never think of nice, happy plots. Well this is just a little idea I came up with recently, and welcome the practice. I tried writing an Escaflowne fic recently, but it was too great of an idea to do it yet. I want to mature before I begin, cuz I would really like it to be a nice one….**_

_**Well let me know what you think about this idea –k-.. I'd really appreciate it, and would like to know if I should continue it, or just begin with another all over again….**_

_**R&R… PLZ N THNX!**_

_**Ranma ½ is not mine! I love the manga/anime, but it belongs solely to Takahashi Rumiko!!!!!!!!!!!!**_


End file.
